we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
