If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
