Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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