On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
