Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
