Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
