Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
