just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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