Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i wish my penis had a tongue
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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