see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
