angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
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They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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