Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
