I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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