if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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