we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
