the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize