I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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