Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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