My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
