'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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