so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
