i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
