I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am one with the molecules
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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