Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
