What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
