i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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