Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
