Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
