Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just want nice things and good sex
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
