I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
