Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
