It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize