i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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