Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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