Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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