i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
