i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
