I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
