Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
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So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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