Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
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I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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