ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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