If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
