So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
