He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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