Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
