Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
