Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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