maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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