then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
