I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
