But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
