I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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