Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
