its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
