I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
