Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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