i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
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