he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
