Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize