that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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