2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
