yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
