if you like me you must not know who I am
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
