Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
